Had A Bad Day? Feeling Down? Turn It Around And Get Happy!

Ever had a bad day that just got worse and worse? Did it start badly and end badly? It is possible to turn it around but you need to know how and then you need to create the opportunity to do it. Many of us experience “a bad day” from time to time and I know from bitter experience that it can bleed over into the next day and maybe beyond that.

It creates a very destructive mindset and negatively influences our life in many other ways.

Until recently I suffered from the run-on nature of bad days, but now I’m starting to take control as I learn how to turn those days around.

It still takes me time to do it and I still spend too long wallowing in self pity, but I am making the changes and now, even if my days get off to a bad start, I am able to turn it around..

Saturday was one of those days that had all the hallmarks of going downhill fast. I woke with a headache after a disturbed sleep. The youngest children have colds and the eldest children got up early and misbehaved.

So I didn’t get off to a great start and I knew it wasn’t going to get any better because I had to go into town and brave the hordes of Christmas shoppers. I wasn’t Christmas shopping myself, instead I was in town for a plain red t-shirt, plain black sweatpants and a Santa hat for one of my kids who has something going on at school.

For a start this annoyed me because every so often the school send home a letter asking us to buy additional clothing aside from the normal uniform they wear, and usually it’s only for a one-off event. It’s not a big deal but to be honest I could do without the added expense.

You wouldn’t think that the t-shirt and pants would be a problem to get, but getting a plain colored T-shirt for a child is not as easy as it should be. I know this because I’ve tried before.

On a previous occasion a plain white t-shirt, but could I find one anywhere? No way! So before I even set off to get the red shirt I knew I was on a hiding to nothing.

I drove to the mall and when I got there I had to drive round all three levels to find a parking space. It took me ten minutes just to find a space which was pretty frustrating and I already started feeling down.

For the next 40 minutes I trekked from store, to store, to store, I found a Santa hat in the first place I tried, but could not find either of the two items that I wanted. There were hundreds of red shirts but every single one had a pattern or design. There were dozens of black sweatpants but all of them had a stripe, or three, or five, but no plain black sweatpants!

I found myself getting really agitated as I fought through the crowds of people who were either sauntering or ambling around. I mean seriously, who has the time to saunter or amble three weeks before Christmas, especially while I’m trying to buy non-essentials for one-off use?!

By the time it got to lunchtime I was feeling quite cross and very hungry. I’d eaten only a banana for breakfast and was really tempted to pick up some fast food. I decided against it because I’m trying to lose weight and doing really well, so instead went home for lunch.

As soon as I walked through the door the first sentence I uttered to my wife was, ” I’m not whining but….”, and then I spent the next 10 minutes whining about the wasted morning.

After lunch I decided to take the boys for a pre-Christmas haircut and we headed to the front door, but before I could get there my eldest son had already opened the door and let the dogs out. It wouldn’t have been problem except for the lady walking her dog on a leash across the road. My dogs ran headlong at this other dog all excited, but the other dog saw this as a threat and decided to fight.

I was already a little uptight because of the morning I’d had and starting the afternoon offering profuse apologies wasn’t what I’d hoped for.

I regret to say that I yelled at my son for letting the dogs out and that maybe feel even worse.

After we’d all had our hair cut I decided to try for the t-shirt and sweatpants again. I had an idea of one last place I could try, but I absolutely hate going there because the parking lot is a nightmare on Saturday.

Sure enough, I was no more than 100 yards into the parking lot before I encountered a problem where me and another driver wanted to occupy the same piece of concrete. I decided to change directions and get out of this other person’s way just at the exact same time they were changing direction to get out of my way, and we only succeeded in making the problem worse.

I felt myself getting angry and for a moment I forgot my boys were in the car with me and swore under my breath, but sure enough they heard.

In this particular parking lot you have to pay for your parking but the cashier refunds the cost when you pay for your goods. This minor detail annoys me every time because parking is essentially free yet I have to go to the trouble of buying a parking voucher and displaying it, then redeeming it just before leaving.

Anyway, thankfully I went into the store and found what I was looking for quite quickly and went to the cashier to pay for it. I handed him the money and start to get the parking charge refunded but he handed back the voucher and apologized, informing me that I hadn’t spent enough to warrant a refund.

I can’t remember what I said to the cashier, but it was sarcastic and louder than I usually speak.

As I walked out, I wondered how my day could have got so bad.

We drove home and then as I walked in through the front door I said to my wife, “This country is going down the drain…”, and then I told her about my experiences with the parking lot and being unable to get a refund.

I still had the headache so decided to take the dogs for a walk in the forest to clear my head. It was the first time I’d really been alone all day and it felt quite good.

I started thinking about my day and realized that I’d made it much worse than it needed to be. And when I thought about it some more I realized it hadn’t actually been that bad.

I woke up with a bee in my bonnet about my broken sleep, but my kids can’t help being ill and caring for them through the night is just part of parenting. I actually do consider myself lucky that on the whole all of my kids are fit and well and none of them have any serious health issues – but sometimes I forget this.

Yes the two boys were misbehaving having got out of bed too early, but they’re good kids really. They weren’t setting the house on fire, and they weren’t maiming each other, they were just having a vocal disagreement that was just a bit too loud for my liking given my disturbed sleep and the headache that neither of them knew anything about. I wasn’t being reasonable.

The fact that the school engages the kids by putting on events that occasionally require them to dress up, is something I should be glad about. Yes it’s a pain having to pay for items that may never be used again, and yes it’s a pain trying to buy these items. But the truth is, I could have handled it so much better.

I’m willing to bet that if I’d mentioned the problem I have with buying the extra things to the Principal, they’d have found a way to help out. I must also acknowledge that I had plenty of time to find these items, and yet I left it right until the last minute even though I knew from previous experience that I’d have a problem finding a t-shirt!

I embarked on my day in a poor state of mind. I told myself things like… I didn’t want to go to town. I told myself there’d be hordes of people. I told myself I was on a hiding to nothing. I told myself I wouldn’t be able to find a t-shirt. I told myself I’d had a bad start and it wouldn’t get any better. I told myself the parking was a nightmare. I made a mistake allowing this internal dialog to begin and then allowing it to continue.

I proved myself right in the parking lot. I did have a problem. Was it a problem really though? Not really, but I made it into one with my reaction. My behavior wasn’t necessary and it wasn’t helpful. My little fit of temper didn’t even make me feel better.

The cashier towards whom I was sarcastic didn’t deserve my remark but probably came out of it quite well because I probably looked like such a tool to the rest of the customers.

I’m not sure what possessed me to offload all the negativity onto my wife. The guy she saw both times after I returned home was negative, angry and frustrated. Who wants to be greeted with that misery?? Instead of complaining I could have remarked on how nice it was to see her, because it was. I could have made light of my experience instead of running the whole country down just because I had to pay for parking.

My children didn’t see the best side of their dad either. I didn’t set a great example for them and if I ever catch them cursing at strangers I’ll know where they got it from, and maybe I’ll be inclined to be more forgiving of their mistakes than I had been earlier.

All things considered I should have been happy. Firstly my wife had a day off work, so I didn’t have to take all the children with me, and that made life so much easier. Taking four kids with me for the morning session would have an hour to the trip.

Next, my children go to a great school where the teachers actually give a damn and go the extra mile. How is this something to complain about?

Also I managed to get everything I wanted. And if I hadn’t convinced myself right at the start that I wouldn’t find what I was looking for I might have gone to the last place I tried first.

It also pleases me immensely that I managed to stick to my diet and avoid the emotional eating even though I felt stressed (albeit self induced stress). In times gone by I would have headed straight for the junk food. Not today!

The great thing is I caught myself. I had a bad day and then turned it around. I spent some time with my children to make up for my bad mood. I pampered my wife to make up for my whining. I even found time to be by myself and write this. And perhaps best of all, I learnt something from my mistakes.

I managed to do all of this because I’ve learnt to change the way I think about things. I’ve learnt to change my inner dialog and replace the negative self-talk and pessimism. I’ve learnt how to feel grateful for the good things in life and how to “re-frame” events and find the positive.

I’ve made progress and I feel happy about that.

Thanks for reading,

Andy

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Thank you, Andy

Tagged as: feeling down, had a bad day, had a bad day again, pessimism, re-frame, self pity